- SG (looking at an ad for Pizza Hut that had a crust made of entirely of cheesy bites): Who thinks of this stuff? This looks amazing!
- Brother: Looks at ad. Looks at me.
- SG: I am going to start a restaurant, a make your own pizza restaurant. When you get there you can choose what type of crust you want, what type of toppings, what type of cheese- it will be totally personalized.
- Brother: Um, well (starting to speak very slowly) you kind of always make your own pizza when you order it.
- SG: Yeah...but you will be able to make it right at your table.
- Brother: Blank stare
- SG: Like there will be an oven....
- SG: Shut up
- It sounded cool when I started, but Brother always has to ruin things (mainly because he is smarter than me)
My aunt gave me some advice on how to find a boy over Thanksgiving break. This is her advice-
First decide what kind of boy you like. Rugged? Athletic? Preppy? Then, decide what kind of car your kind of boy would like.
Take out an ad somewhere (she said in the paper- really? Do people still do that?) for a “used car” that you are trying to sell.Obviously you don’t have a car, but when they answer the ad get to know them a little (aka- find out if they are single) and tell them to come on over and they can check it out.
When they get there obviously you are not going to have the car and you just say “Dang it, just sold it! Sorry.” And, if they fit the description of the type of boy you were looking for you then say, ”Buuuut, wanna grab some coffee?”
My dad also threw in- “And tell them to meet you in front of that really nice brownstone next door”
I can think of 1 million reasons why this would never work…reason #1, what person would ever believe that I am trying to sell a 2011 Porsche Boxster and live in Brooklyn?
I think I would rather look to God instead and go with my uncles advice on just going to church- which he tells me to do EVERY time I see him.
Gotta love relationship advice from the relatives.
I went out in Annapolis last night with a couple friends from college- with the hopes that I would meet a nice, athletic sailor man who would sweep me off my feet (and that I would not run into my ex-boyfriend).
The bar we ended up at was decent, with the exception of the $5 cover we had to pay for some lousy DJ—why you have to pay covers for DJ’s is BEYOND me.
After about an hour and a thorough evaluation of our surroundings, I discovered that this night was not about to live up to my expectations for the following reasons:
A. There were no nice, athletic sailor men
B. The only boy taller than me at the bar did a little more than just drain the lizard in the bathroom right before I went in (I do not tolerate those who find it appropriate to do more than just the basic in a unisex bathroom)
C. I am pretty sure I kinda told off the mom of the cutest boy in the bar
D. The cutest boy in the bar was shorter than me
Conclusion: As I get more and more single, the remaining single men get more and more shorter- no matter what city I am in.
Regardless, I still had a very enjoyable time with my friends (and I did not run into my ex-boyfriend).
SG Thanksgiving Dinner:
- Turkey Leg
- Squash Casserole
- Green Bean Casserole
- Pumpkin Pie
I woke up this morning with a Niquil hangover. Happy Thanksgiving to me.
By 11am I was up, made some cheese grits while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with my grandparents bum legged Pomeranian. The dog show came on. Sparky was not interested.
Mom, Dad, Borther, Grandma and Grandpa came home from breakfast to me, still in my PJ’s, eating cookies and coffee. With my Niquil hangover still clouding my thoughts, and the smell of Amtrak, deep sleep and New York City lingering around me, I looked lovely.
Shortly there after Gma and Gpa started fighting over the circulars (or as my Gma called them, the advertisements)- gloating as to who can find the cheaper coffee pot. Gma did. $9.99 at Kmart. By the way, did you know that Kmart is open today? Oh, and if they go to the Macy’s at 4am they can get a $29.99 printer/copier. “You like to copy things, right”- asks Gpa to Gma? No.
I finally take a shower.
My mom starts watching cat videos on YouTube. “Do you do this often?”- Me. Sometimes, she says. This day, the topic is- cat’s in the tub.
Brother is working the crossword puzzle, asking how to spell rutabaga and explaining that the secret to his biscotte is roasted almonds. He explains to my Gpa for the 20th time that he does not eat meat.
In a fit of boredom, I curl my hair. I use the same hairspray I am pretty sure I used for prom.
I come downstairs just in time to hear Dad suggest we watch the BIV (British Virgin Islands) video he made with the pictures he took from my parents trip over the summer. He sits next to the TV, commenting on his slideshow. I cringe.
It’s been half an hour and I am still cringing as my dad gets to a picture of a used condom floating next to a bag of Funyuns. Why dad? Why?
Next Thanksgiving, like I say every Thanksgiving, maybe I will have a boy here to witness my crazy family with. Until then, Single Girl will witness the madness alone….and as I read back through this blog, maybe it’s better this way.
Where is the Yellow Tail?
Yes, it is no surprise from my blogging this weekend that I was having a kind of sad Sunday. Little did I know, just across the “pond”, my friend Marjory was having a kind of sad Sunday too on the Upper East Side. If only I knew. Misery loves company, and single girls can sometimes be pretty miserable…
wake up early and feel like im doing nothing with my life…attend church (first time ever in nyc——i’ve lived here for 5 years). after church still feeling sorry for myself, go get my fav drink from starbucks bc it brings me to happy memories. now decide, maybe i need to know more about politics, i think i’ll run to barnes and noble and spend the last bit of my money on george bush’s new book, decision points, and while im at it, i think i might buy a book called “only in new york” so i can learn some history and maybe feel better about myself. now i kinda wanna take a cab, but i walk, and i walk past a GAP. to further my bad spending habits, i think to myself “you know marj, you deserve it”….so i go in and drop $125 - oh no i dont, i put it on my credit card so i can worry about it later. mission complete, i feel better. my credit card feels worse. its time for a nap…..wait now i feel bad again…..gym…..wait now im bored….reality TV……2am……i guess i’ll go to bed, ALONE…
Now replace Church with sleeping, Decision Points with Pickles and $125 spent at the Gap with $40 spent on Children’s books (yes- I buy my friends kids books, they l
ove me) and you have my Sunday. 2 single peas in a pod.
Oh, Marjory- please start a blog. I think it would be spectacular.
SG Dinner 11/22:
- Turkey Sandwich
- Pickle (I am down to 8)
SG and Marjory
Do you know where Single Girl is?
This is why I am still single.
- Turkey Sandwich that I made for lunch and did not eat (because I got a free turkey sandwich from a meeting)
- Baby Carrots
Very sleepy, overworked and it is only Monday, SG